at times...

sometimes when things happens it really makes u wonder if there is actually other people who go thru something that is even worst.. trust me..

u have no idea how bad theirs is..



usually when i have difficulties..

all i can say to myself is dat..

it could have been worst..

so i wont feel dat bad..

even if im feeling extremely awful dat time.



everybody go thru different types of challenges in life..

i mean you cant actually compare how yous may differ from mine..

coz i guess its just how u handle things..





for example; you may once experience falling down a stairs in front of a fren and u were totally embarrassed. suddenly few months later a fren comes and tell you he/she fell from a stairs is front of thier bf/gf and is totally embarrased..

you can say aaaahhh its nothing... of course u can say dat coz ur already over it.. but what happens to the fren who just experienced it a while ago.?



he/she is feeling the same u once felt.

but u just wont get it..

and defenietly ur gonna brag about it to other frens about how an ass ur fren was for making a big deal out of falling of a stairs right?



honestly..

i have many friends who comes from different walk of life..

those really extremely rich ones. never know wut hardship is, some what average ones who deals fairly well with life, and those totally unfortunate ones. to me all of them are the same. i even have friends who have black dark histories. u name it.. i basically have almost all types of ppl as friends. but i see no difference in them.

they are who they are.

unique and special. even they have to face all typs of s*!#s in life.

i guess ur just the one chosen to have made the mistake so it would become a lesson to other people. and the best way of learning is to learn from your mistakes. in other words.. dont repeat it again once u know the consequences.

not all mistakes can be forgiven many times





why i wrote this is to dedicate to a fren..

my fren dont know i have this blog..

so i guess my fren wont be reading this..

wutever its is..

i want my fren to know tht..im her fren always.. even what had happend to her that made her think that id freak out never wanna be her fren again.
i pray to Allah so that she is given the strenght to deal with wud had happend..

..parents..

hmmm..
I don’t know when it started…
Many comments ive received….
From friends especially,
Like:
-man.. dats hard..
-are they dat strict?
-its like prison.
-hostel warden are better
-I guess I could consider myself lucky

All my answer to dat comment are the same..
YES..

I have very strict parents.
I donno y they are like that but it has been like dat.
Sometimes I feel like a small kid for not being able to go out OFTEN
Going for movies has been like something quite big for me..
And its always not included in the permission asking session..

Id usually say, pa..ma..
I want to go to pyramid.
And they’ll ask Y..
And ill say I need some stufss..(must provide a list)
With who are u going?
Answering just friends is not a valid answer.
Coz they’ll ask don’t they have a name?
Then, wut time going and coming home?
How are u going?
Are u driving or ur fren?

See how hard the process is...*sigh*

And permission can not be seek less then 24 hours prior to the time I plan to go.
so I have to ask at least 2 days before.
Dats why most last minute invitation will be very hard for me to attend..
If I manage to attend it’s always a miracle.

So if I have places to go that I know a week before. Ill tell them a week before and remind them almost everyday till the actual day comes, so they will remember that ive gotten their permission and was allowed to go.

Weekends.! Dats even harder. Especially Sundays.

To get to go out on my own on weekends is impossible.
So I’ve no choice but to go on weekdays (if granted).
I just don’t get it why I cant go on weekends.
When I ask my mum why I cant go out on weekends,
She’ll say because now papa has two houses/family to take care.
So our time as children with him are extremely limited.
As it is on weekdays he comes home late after work.
And we only get to see him only on alternate days.
So weekends are the only 2 days we’ll get to see him longer.
And if we r out on those day, dats it
Lesser time with papa.
Dats the answer ive had been getting since 7/8 years ago.

Always I feel sorry for friends who asks me out on weekends..
Coz ill never be able to make it. I can try but a slim 10% chance.

Curfew is also another thing.
Be home before maghrib which means not any later than 7.30pm.
Coz the moment the clock strikes 7.00pm
My hp just never stops ringing.

Saying on the way doesn’t actually help.
Coz when u say on the way,
They wanna know exactly where are u.
So paying parking ticket or getting in the car
Is not on the way. Its just getting to on the way.

I envy my friends who can go out as they please, and asking permission is a short conversation of informing ur going out.
I have friends who visits the mall like every other week or day. And been to almost all the mall in Klang Valley.
For me,
I think its been ages since ive last been to sogo, lot 10, O.u and u name it.
Believe it or not I think im the only Malaysian that have never stepped foot in The Curve.
And I could barely remember how midvalley looks like inside.


Actually my parents never liked us siblings going out. They don’t like the idea of “hanging out” especially going to malls. But sometimes I guess they have no choice but to let us go. But when we’r going we don’t only get a simple goodbye but a goodbye with an 1 hour lecture of safety, manners and bla..bla..bla dat we need to look after outside.

Its hard. Its just so hard.
Since they had provided us with so many necessities we have no choice but to obey them.
Coz the moment we disobey something. There is always a price to pay.
So what’s left to choose, obey or ur sorry.

I cant blame them for being like dat, having to witness and hear all sorts of stories that happens outside from home scares them or maybe turns them in to some kind of a paranoid.

I always question myself when will I get that ultimate freedom?
I guess I wont be having that.
Coz as long as im living with them, im living under their rules.
And the rules was created as a sign of care and love.
I don’t know.

I guess if my parents would to read this blog, they would ask them selves are they this strict? Or “omg! My daughter has this thought in her head all this while and us being strict and all has been an issue and conflict in her sad life.
I don’t know.
i just dont.

right now im..
having a bad week, expecting a sad semester, going thru a sad life.
i wonder y am i so stupid.. atleast othrs did get thru.
y cant i?

anyways.. aila coming back to K.L tmrw morning 7.45 bus..
i think ill only be able to meet her on monday..

syaf.. when will we meet again? all the best.!

as for the rest of my friends,
alia,jojo,eunice,erica and others congrats on ur results.
and all the best for the new semester..