..parents..

hmmm..
I don’t know when it started…
Many comments ive received….
From friends especially,
Like:
-man.. dats hard..
-are they dat strict?
-its like prison.
-hostel warden are better
-I guess I could consider myself lucky

All my answer to dat comment are the same..
YES..

I have very strict parents.
I donno y they are like that but it has been like dat.
Sometimes I feel like a small kid for not being able to go out OFTEN
Going for movies has been like something quite big for me..
And its always not included in the permission asking session..

Id usually say, pa..ma..
I want to go to pyramid.
And they’ll ask Y..
And ill say I need some stufss..(must provide a list)
With who are u going?
Answering just friends is not a valid answer.
Coz they’ll ask don’t they have a name?
Then, wut time going and coming home?
How are u going?
Are u driving or ur fren?

See how hard the process is...*sigh*

And permission can not be seek less then 24 hours prior to the time I plan to go.
so I have to ask at least 2 days before.
Dats why most last minute invitation will be very hard for me to attend..
If I manage to attend it’s always a miracle.

So if I have places to go that I know a week before. Ill tell them a week before and remind them almost everyday till the actual day comes, so they will remember that ive gotten their permission and was allowed to go.

Weekends.! Dats even harder. Especially Sundays.

To get to go out on my own on weekends is impossible.
So I’ve no choice but to go on weekdays (if granted).
I just don’t get it why I cant go on weekends.
When I ask my mum why I cant go out on weekends,
She’ll say because now papa has two houses/family to take care.
So our time as children with him are extremely limited.
As it is on weekdays he comes home late after work.
And we only get to see him only on alternate days.
So weekends are the only 2 days we’ll get to see him longer.
And if we r out on those day, dats it
Lesser time with papa.
Dats the answer ive had been getting since 7/8 years ago.

Always I feel sorry for friends who asks me out on weekends..
Coz ill never be able to make it. I can try but a slim 10% chance.

Curfew is also another thing.
Be home before maghrib which means not any later than 7.30pm.
Coz the moment the clock strikes 7.00pm
My hp just never stops ringing.

Saying on the way doesn’t actually help.
Coz when u say on the way,
They wanna know exactly where are u.
So paying parking ticket or getting in the car
Is not on the way. Its just getting to on the way.

I envy my friends who can go out as they please, and asking permission is a short conversation of informing ur going out.
I have friends who visits the mall like every other week or day. And been to almost all the mall in Klang Valley.
For me,
I think its been ages since ive last been to sogo, lot 10, O.u and u name it.
Believe it or not I think im the only Malaysian that have never stepped foot in The Curve.
And I could barely remember how midvalley looks like inside.


Actually my parents never liked us siblings going out. They don’t like the idea of “hanging out” especially going to malls. But sometimes I guess they have no choice but to let us go. But when we’r going we don’t only get a simple goodbye but a goodbye with an 1 hour lecture of safety, manners and bla..bla..bla dat we need to look after outside.

Its hard. Its just so hard.
Since they had provided us with so many necessities we have no choice but to obey them.
Coz the moment we disobey something. There is always a price to pay.
So what’s left to choose, obey or ur sorry.

I cant blame them for being like dat, having to witness and hear all sorts of stories that happens outside from home scares them or maybe turns them in to some kind of a paranoid.

I always question myself when will I get that ultimate freedom?
I guess I wont be having that.
Coz as long as im living with them, im living under their rules.
And the rules was created as a sign of care and love.
I don’t know.

I guess if my parents would to read this blog, they would ask them selves are they this strict? Or “omg! My daughter has this thought in her head all this while and us being strict and all has been an issue and conflict in her sad life.
I don’t know.
i just dont.

right now im..
having a bad week, expecting a sad semester, going thru a sad life.
i wonder y am i so stupid.. atleast othrs did get thru.
y cant i?

anyways.. aila coming back to K.L tmrw morning 7.45 bus..
i think ill only be able to meet her on monday..

syaf.. when will we meet again? all the best.!

as for the rest of my friends,
alia,jojo,eunice,erica and others congrats on ur results.
and all the best for the new semester..

aku tak tahu

jika takdir menentukan akan ku pergi dlm tidurku,
apakah adapat ku pergi dalam senyuman.?

ku akui mmg menjadi dambaan insan-insan
utk selalu tersenyum
walau di hujung nyawa sekali pun

namun jika diri terus dijadikan tempat lontaran..
lontaran amarah dan geram di hati..

mampukah aku tersenyum?
tersenyum dalam kepahitan.

aku gusar,
aku runsing,

bilakah akhirnya mampu ku tersenyum?
senyuman yg sebenar-benar ikhlas..
keikhlasan tanpa kepahitan dan kesedihan..

aku tak tahu..

a silent cry..

NO MATTER HOW HARD I TRY...

I STILL CANT..

YAALLAH.. HELP ME..

PLEASE.. HELP ME. YAALLAH..

lazy to update

hye..!!
i dont really feel like updating..
coz.. there are just nothing interesting that happends in my life..
however.. im gonna try..
for the past 2 months..
life has been a total mess..
cant really describe why..
but its just so in a mess..

owh yeah..
i now have a new pc
papa bought..
but i can never forget my stolen laptop..
everytime i see a laptop or pc..
ill always think about my lost pc..
not lost actually..
but was taken by the robbers who robbed my house
about 5 months ago..

but its ok..
im glad the robber took the laptop..
coz, according to my mum who was home during the robbery said that the robber would harm her if there is no valuble stuffs that he can take..

so take the laptop and leave my mum alone..!

ok that when by..

owh yes..
my birthday came..
my 21st bday.. on 19th of jan
everybody seems to be so excited..
but i donno why but i feel..
i donno wut i feel..
i dont feel as excited..
maybe thats it..

everyone did their best to throw me a party.,
i was happy to see them happy..

sitting back to think..
i dont know wut to think..
but there are too many things running in and out my head..
but what is running in and out my head..?
i donno..

something so hard to resolve, desolve and to solve..
wut am i saying..?
just trying to rhyme things..!

anyways..
i donno wut else to say..

thank you so very too much to everyone that was involve during my birthday to all the back bones in making the event a success.. i donno if i can thank u guys enough..
u know who u are..

and those who came..
it was great to see you all..
missed you all...

hurmmm did all the crap said above covered the 2 months on nothing fun in my life plot..?

i think so.

bosan...

helloo..

donno why..
but i really feel like updating it today..
and im so sure its gonna be a super long one..
since my last entry was on the oct 20th..

which is almost 1mnth..hahaha
not lazy to type in..
but no pc.. or a lap top..
i miss my lap top..

haih..
ok..
exam is over..
it was ok..
not so bad..
not so either..
wut am i saying..?

never mind...
so wuts up lately..
met with an accident..
a bad one actually..
nasib baik tiada kemalangan jiwa di laporkan..
dan nasib baik papa tak naik angin..
kenapa dia nak naik angin pun kan..?
bukan my fault..
i didnt hit anyone..
it was that chinese guy who hit me..

so now..
im without my car..
so sedih..

sorry ye alia..
coz the accident involved u and ur mum..
other drivers shud be more carefull so they dont hit me kan..?

raya..raya..
no more in the raya mood..
but raya was not bad..
was quite fun..
i guess it wud be better without the exam..

now the raya story..
in the morning..
when to get lemang..
then at noon.
kavita,pathma,nanda, suren and rao came..
then had lunch..
after sejam lebih gitu.
jojo and alia plak sampai..
so we just lepak2..
makan2 tgk tv was pendekar bujang lapok kot..
bvoleh tahan gak... gelak2..
but then suren nak cepat..
kena blajar exam..
so kavita,pathma,suren and nanda left.
tinggal la rao, alia and jojo..
we all sambung tgk tv and alia..
enjoying kuih raya.. dont say u didnt..!?
hahaha.. jap tuh amik gmbr non stop..
and hantar raya mms to syaf..!
lawa kan? the background of alia running.
hahahaa...
then jojo had to go..
left rao and alia..
smpai malam we were watching hindi movie..
it was ok..
citer apa ek..? owh ya..! it was kabhi something..something

then malam gi raya kat umah aunty sue and umah ibu...
then that was it..
raya..
untill on the 3rd raya..
huzai and the gang came after isyak.
12 org semua..
then later that night kuar minum...
lepak2..

then then next day..
everything was as usual..
life.. the boring part of it..!

now..
im stuck at home..
doing nothing.. untill friday's interview..

i donno if i shud publish this or not..

publish je lah kan..?
da penat2 type..

ok la..