wUt a dAy..!

haiyoh..

everytime..

ill get the plz update warning from syaf..

alia also.. she goes verbal..

while syaf will text it.

anyways..

here it goes.. urmm.. where shud i start since its been a very very long time since i wrote in.. now.. im in a very busy mode.. assigns and everything..

but at home for now.. its so fun..

i have my 2 little adik angkat [daniel 11 and nuqman 9] staying with me for about a week..

the only problem is they r so annoying.. yet adorable..

top pic: ...nuqman and me...

top pic: ...daniel and me...

other than that....

classes are as usual with the most yuckiest timetable..! i hate the timings.. its as tho my day ends so soon.. yesterday as usual the lunch date with the usual wacko peeps.. after class. went to see ameiyrul.. bought him his usual fav filet o' fish played with him.. got him annoyed.. made him scream and tease him alot.. as usual.. after that i went back home.. force daniel to wake up from his nap and ask him why didnt he take his lunch.. his answer was as usual "kenyang lagi la kak.."

then i made way to my room for my own nap.. hehehe.. was so tired la.. at night.. watched a movie in disney channel.. mcm budak kecik je.. then makan dinner.. sweetsour fish dgn soup[e] sayur.. then baca buku sikit.. main carom sikit..

then went to the shop with alia, nuqman,daniel and shikin for an ice cream.. the best part was.. we played a spelling game on the way to the shop.. the game is called the spelling BEE. we were happily spelling till we ran out of words.. that made alia to choose the word "kentut" while nuqman.. as tho he is one smart fellow.. chose a difficult word to spell.. but end up making error while spelling it.. since when the spelling for the word amphibian is ampbian? and just for that. me and daniel.. started laughing damn loud. in the middle of the road.. just like ghosts relesed from thier grave.!

on the way back from the shop.. we walked pass a neighbour's house.. it was then i noticed that.... OWH MY GOD..! i saw the burnings for the hungry ghost festival..

DAmn!

i then instantly got the uneasy feelings in me.. coz it was near that house where we were laughing damn loud when we were walking to the shop eralier.. just to make myself feel alil bit calm.. i said that.. hurmm perhaps the ghost were busy eating that they didnt hear us laughing..? but still.. i was worried of nuqman,daniel since they were still small.. and alia and shikin coz they might be weak inside..

so i had to read some verse from the Quran as protection for them and myself.. once we got home...

i felt better..

nomore uneasy feeling..

we started jumping and making jokes like monkeys again.. befor going to bed.. me, alia,nuqman and daniel was in my mum's room.. we were playing on the bed.. then we wraped nuqman in the big blanket and ran out of the room,., it took nuqman quite sumtime to realize that we left him in my mums room. we ran to the kitchen and hide..

we actually hid in the maids room that was in the kitchen.. but my crazy bibik.. she knows we were hiding.. and when nuqman came to the kitchen to look for us.. and nuqman just look around and left.. to search for us upstairs.. then my crazy bibik said.." apa bodoh nuqman ini.. kenapa tak tanya bibik?" is she crazy or wut..!! she knows we were hiding and.. DUH..! we dont want her to let nuqman know.. but still she cud say that..!

but nvm, when we knew nuqman was upstairs we came out quitely from our hiding place and sat at the living room.. as for a puninshment for nuqman.. we told him to walk like a monkey.. and he did it quite well.. and we called him the somalia monkey since he is very2 skinny..!

top pic: this is a wacko pic of me and alia..

the night then just ended.. since we were tired..

good night..!

...hate being me..

many days..
i sit and cry..
blaming my fate..
blaming me for being who i am..
i wanna be somebody else..
but who could bare being in my shoes..?

many days..
i scream..!!
i shout..!!
when will all this end..?

where are the love i use to feel..!
the care!?
the warmth of comfort..!

all gone..!!
never to be seen or heard
or even worst
never to be felt..!

im loosing what i loved the most.!
but still im being able to smile..
pretend that things are alright..!

but who knows!!!
WHO KNOWS..!!!
the tears..!!!!
the fear..!!
but me..!!


I HATE BEING ME..!!!!!

..tO mY dEaR fRiEnD..

As I sit here in alone,
I think of my friend
And think about the time
coming to an end.

It's gonna be sad
To say good- bye.
I'll miss you.
I know I’ll cry.

I’ll wait for the day
When u came back
To be with you again
And get on track.

We had so many moments;
Some bad, most great.
I'll always remember the love
And erase the hate.

I don't wanna say good- bye to you
I don't want all the time we had
To come to an end.

written by: FeEzA [ 15 may 2005]

wHy..?

Why am I always blamed over things I don’t do..?
Who is there I have to back me up..
Cheer me up..?
Take my fears and worries?

Who..?

No one..
No one that is there who can bear my journey
But myself..

I tried.. I cried.. I failed..
I tried to face my journey..
I cried the obstacles that came by..
I failed to prove me strong…

As bitter as things cud be..
As sour as things cud be..
Not even a pinch of sweetness there was..

Why am I born as I am..?
I tried all I can..
To please everyone..
To love everyone unconditionally..
To care and cherish..
Every heart every soul..
that are connected to me..

Sometimes..
I think I fall short to understand..
The cries and the fails..
That will actually make me to not be a quitter..
That will make me try everything..

And actually prove to no one I am strong..
But actually..
To prove to myself that I am strong..!

Written by: FeEzA [ 12 june 2006]

sorry.. i cant be perfect..

wow..! 12 0f may..
dats the last i posted??

not bad..
im getting lazier and lazier..
wut to do..
no choice to many assignments need to be done..
but still..
there are some happy moments..
dats never to be missd..

i have 1 more week
prior to my next exam.
JRN..
Dear datin..,
please dont fail me..
i promise ill be good.. [yeah right..!]

i need to pass..
is it to much to ask?
its not asking for a high distinction or anything..
but just a pass..! JUST A PASS..!!
is it to much to ask for..?
i need to take the worries out of my dad..
plzz..plz..plzz..
yaALLAH..
plz pass me..
plzzz..plz..plz..

i promise ill be good to all the creatures
around me..


shheeessshh...!!

how crappy could dat be..?
me being good..?
i dont think so..?
but its worth a try..
maybe next sem..!
perhaps..
ill be someone new..

lately..
hurmm..
i cant even remember what happend to me lately,,
owh ya..!
fell from the stairs..
papa left to goa..!
sob..! sob..!
come back soon pa..
u need to assist me for my exam..!!

but sadly..
papa will only be back
on the 7th of june. which is a week from now..!
dats when my next paper starts..!!
too late..!!!!

NOOOO...!!!!

i hope ill be able to face it..

why is it so hard to bring out
wuts in me..?
wuts bothering me..?
how i wish someone can read me..
tell the "?" dat i have..
without me telling..?
perhaps..
its only me who has
dat "talent" read people..

so i suppose i have to read
my ownself?
why the hell should i read..!!!
i already know wuts going on..!

FINE...!!

just ignore it..!


i dont know is it just me..
but little..little thing
just starts to bother me now..
im adapting..!!!
give me a break..!

but its ok..
papa is coming home soon..
and talk to me..!
things will be cool by then..

i HOPE..!

owh ya..!
ive got some remarks from some peeps dat i know..
they say that im a nice.
person..!
hahaha.. i know i am..
thank u.. thank u..!
bu still nice people like me are hurt..
waaa....waaaa..waaaaa..
why hurt me when i dont hurt you.?
want me to hurt u izzit..?
dont regret aaa... [its a warning..]

but then..
i dont hurt those i love..
so..

dear, all people dat i love..
dont hurt me too....
coz illl never do anything to hurt you all..
so please.. dont hurt me..
ive got nothing in this world..
but the all of you..


but then..




even if u hurt me..
its ok..
i dont care..!

IM SO USED TO IT..!!
get the hint..?
so..
stop ok..?


haih..
wut the hell is this?
it sounds more like a letter to myself..
or perhaps..
a letter or pray to ALLAH.
a letter to datin..
a letter to my papa...
and a letter to my love ones..

ok..
i think i better stop here..
bye bye..

lastly..
here is wut ive got to say..


if u gonna have trouble reading it..
here is wat it says..
[i was going to kill the smartest person on earth,
untill i realize.. suicide is a crime..]